February 12th, 2018

The other little ways

With Valentine’s Day coming up, I’m reminded of earlier in my relationship with my husband. When we first started dating, we treated it as a special day and gave each other little gifts and planned where to have dinner. After a few years, that kind of died off, and I found myself annoyed at him. I knew he wasn’t the romantic type, but I told him that I wish he’d at least put in a little effort once in a while.

For a couple years after that, he would buy me flowers, but then that’d trail off again. However, I had come to realize that he shows he cares in other ways, and that I shouldn’t try to lump him into what I see other people doing. Sure, he doesn’t buy me flowers, he doesn’t compliment the way I look, he doesn’t do anything romantic, but those aren’t the things he cares about. As many of you know, we’re both really into gaming, and I’ve noticed that’s where he puts in the effort instead.

(Side note: my husband works from home twice a week. This fact will make a couple of these stories make more sense.)

[chatting online during work]
Me: Ugh, I forgot to update my graphics drivers last night to fix that Destiny 2 issue. Remind me to do it when I get home.
Husband: Want me to update them for you right now?
Me: Oh… yeah, sure. Thanks.

[just getting home from work]
Husband: Sam wants to play Left 4 Dead 2 tonight.
Me: Whoa, we haven’t played that in forever. I’m going to have to re-install it.
Husband: I already installed it for you.
Me: Oh! Thanks!

[randomly in the car]
Husband: *turns to me* I like that you like PvP and are good at it. (World of Warcraft)

[in bed, about to sleep]
Husband: *scoots close* I like your Minecraft house.

[in the morning]
Husband: Hey wake up, there’s a Pokemon on the house that you don’t have. (Pokemon Go)

And so, it’s the little things that add up, like going into the Nether in Minecraft to get materials for me, looking out for gear I’d want in Diablo 3, helping me fill out my Kirby plush collection, or installing new games while I’m at work so it’s ready for me when I get home.

He puts in effort for things I care about as well. For example, my favorite photo taken in Hawaii was during our honeymoon.

I knew ahead of time that I wanted to take photos at sunrise and would have to wake up at an ungodly hour for it. I told him he didn’t have to go with me, but he woke up early too and came along, carrying some of my photo gear for me. In a way, it was actually pretty romantic. We walked on the beach alone, with no one else on it, picked out photo spots together, and watched the sunrise.

Two of my cosplay photoshoots were also taken by him, and he put up with me being a total backseat photographer the whole time. I didn’t have a photographer lined up for my Pokemon Go cosplay, and with my Rhyme cosplay, we took time out of our Japan trip to get it done. (It was actually the only reason we went into Shibuya.)

Don’t get me wrong. Romantic gestures are nice too. If he bought me flowers again, I’d still be happy about it, but I’ve come to appreciate the other ways he shows he cares. I’ve realized how meaningful it is when it’s something he is passionate about and also when it’s something I am passionate about. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be a television-show-type-romance, you know? 🙂

14 Responses to “The other little ways”

  • Amy says:

    Aww, this post is so lovely! I think it’s great that he does all those things. Romance doesn’t have to be done on Valentine’s Day and it can be more than just buying flowers. It’s the little things that really matter, and the things that are more personal to you.

    Me and Andy don’t buy each other gifts for Valentine’s. We’ll go out for a meal or cook something nice instead though. It’s nice to celebrate but it’s not the most important thing in the world. It’s just a day, after all.

    Hope you have a lovely day, whatever you end up doing!

  • Euri says:

    Oh, your husband is so sweet! Happy Valentine’s Day!

  • Nancy says:

    It took me a while to realize that people have different ways of expressing their love. It’s good that he puts that effort in an area he’s passionate about. Hey, I’d like to have a bae that takes care of my computer too! These are really sweet gestures that your husband does for you! Haha, PVP is FTW in WoW.

    You have a great husband! I’m happy that he does what he can to get your hobbies game on. OK, I hope he reads this blog post for that flowers hint, haha. But still, happy Valentine’s Day, Cat!

  • Katy says:

    Cat this is such a lovely post! It’s so sweet to see the way your husband cares for you in a different way! He’s so thoughtful! I particularly like “I like that you like PvP and are good at it. (World of Warcraft)” – that’s quite the compliment =p

  • Pauline says:

    I loved this post SO MUCH, it’s really reminded me to be more mindful when it comes to everyday gestures from our loved ones. We do not need to go “all out” on Valentines Day to prove our love to someone. I am guilty of previous Valentines Day where I’ve fallen annoyed for not having flowers or chocolates but that’s really not how showing love works. The Minimalists also wrote a great post on it on their blog if you’re interested!

    Thank you for reminding me! <3

  • Shanae says:

    I loved everything about your post and need you to know I so relate. Both my husband and I sat together passing a controller back and forth achievement hunting on a few backwards compatible xbox360 games for Valentines day lol.
    That was our idea of fun(and we live in a small town with nothing at all but a sonic drive-in and a pilot truck stop -.-)

    Also, I STILL have yet to beat Destiny 2. I keep getting kicked off servers because my internet is atrocious. It’s highly disappointing.

    And hey getting a complement on your love or skills in ANY PvP is amazing o.O I commend you oh better gamer than I. xD

  • Ongaku says:

    That is so cute. It’s good you have a great relationship doing the things you enjoy. ♥
    You look awesome in those cosplay pics!

  • Lee says:

    That is too cute. Your hubby seems to really know the cute little things about you and sometimes it’s those little details that make a difference. ❤️❤️
    My dad is actually the same way. He’s not affectionate nor rantic but he does these little things for my mom and she knows he loves her without having to buy her flowers (but I know she still does like flowers and I have to remind him to buy her some once in a while hahahha)

    My husband is quite the romantic and likes to do sweet gestures like cook dinner and buy my fave flowers but not all the time as I’m actually not too overly girly like that myself and I tell him not to do it sometimes but that being said, I am still a girl and do appreciate the attention sometimes hahahah.

  • Rezina says:

    I agree that it’s the little things that count! Sometimes I feel like it’s really easy to overlook those because we become so acclimated to them, that we forget that they happen. But when they’re not there (like they’re on a trip or something), you totally feel their empty space… if that makes any sense, haha.

    I think it’s great that your husband shows that he cares by being supportive of your passions and vice versa 😀

  • Michelle says:

    That’s why I like getting games, action figures and such over flowers, which die so fast. And I think the greatest romantic gestures are the smaller things.

  • Kenny says:

    I never got the point of getting flowers. You get them, and they die. But, then again, I’m a guy. But, yes, do give me chocolate. And lots of it. :p

  • Brandy says:

    This was such an adorable post. Ya’ll are so cute. <3

  • Liv says:

    He sounds sweet. It reminds me of when I wish I was dating someone who could defeat a really annoying boss for me. XD

    I think movies/TV just idealize everything. Of course I’d love flowers and mainstream romance, but I think every couple has their own thing and for you guys, that’s gaming!

    Also, your husband has achieved MVP for waking up early with you for photography!!! A+ A+ A+

  • Tara says:

    I had to smile at everything about this post. We tend to overlook all the little things people do for us — even I do — so I am glad you wrote about this! Your husband is definitely thoughtful in his own ways, and I am glad you two are happy together. Sure, the typical romantic gestures are nice, but it’s the atypical ones that matters more to me, I feel. The gaming/geeky gestures is up my alley, so I would prefer those!

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