August 5th, 2015

A Deep Loss

When you get into a work routine, you take some things for granted. Each day differs a little and has its own surprises, but you kind of expect that you’ll be doing about the same things and be seeing the same familiar faces.

Even if a coworker decides to leave the company, it’s a little sad, but you know that you can keep in touch or that you might run into them later. Who knows, they might even come back!

That’s actually what happened with a developer I knew. I’ve known him for 7 or 8 years and have been working with him on and off. He left our company in the past to contract around, but after a while, he just came back to us full time. Then… he left again!

When that happened, I told everyone that he’ll probably be back again, and I was totally right about that 😉 He came back to us full time recently.

Some people didn’t know he was coming back and was surprised to see him. I remember while I was talking with him, someone stopped by and asked what made him decide to come back. He looked at me and joked, “I missed Cat’s baking”. (I made sure he got one of my cupcakes last month!)

This developer was really one of the best developers I knew – incredibly smart and loved coding. Any time there was a problem we were stuck on, he’d take a crack at it and figure something out. Looking back, I’m still amazed at some of the things he managed to solve for us.

Not only that, but every memory I have of him is positive. He was so humble and patient with everyone, and he was always so nice and friendly all the time! He was truly a nice guy. There was never a time where I saw him being negative.

And now he’s gone again, but in a different way, and it’s difficult to process. Last Saturday, he suddenly passed from a heart attack, and it’s been a huge shock to us because he wasn’t old nor unhealthy. It’s also heartbreaking because he is the father of two young kids. The first couple days have been a surreal experience because we’re still having normal work days. It’s been on many of our minds, but no one really wants to discuss it at work.

I pass by his desk, and it just looks like he had gotten up to do something. His keyboard and monitor is still there with his Aperture Science mug and his glasses. I mean, I was in a meeting with him just last week to discuss our upcoming features. How could he be gone?

The day before we heard the terrible news, I was at an Anime con with a different coworker. Over dinner, we got into a discussion over an article that basically said that “coworkers are not your friends”. We both thought it was ridiculous, and that if you can’t be friends with your coworkers, there is probably something wrong with your company culture.

Many of us attended his funeral today, and the reality of it has set in. We didn’t just lose a fellow coworker. We lost a friend, and we’re going to miss him so much.

8 Responses to “A Deep Loss”

  • Liv says:

    Oh my. I actually saw your tweet about this the other day, and I automatically assumed your coworker left the company after a long time. I can’t believe this and I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to your company and to his young children (and wife?). Heart attacks are unfortunately not limited to old or unhealthy people. 🙁 It’s sad when a friend moves away but we get past it because we know we will see them again if they are important to us. However the reality of never seeing them again is very difficult.

    I used to be so jealous of people who are at least friendly with their coworkers, simply because I wasn’t even on speaking terms with my coworkers from my last job. The only conversations we had were work related and I was never invited to any social gatherings. I still don’t understand why that was … At my current workplace I would definitely say all my coworkers are my friends. We may not lead similar lives (they are white men in their 30s) that we’d need to hang out when we’re not working, but we have a lot to talk about at the workplace and enjoy it (as much as one can enjoy a workplace anyway). I’d be so sad if the day comes that we’d have to go our separate ways.

    Anyways, hang in there Cat! My prayers for you to hang in there. 🙂

  • Michelle says:

    I’m so so sorry to hear that, Cat. It’s never easy to lose someone unexpectedly like that. You have my ear if you need anyone to talk to about this or anything like this. Hugs

  • Karin says:

    It’s jarring when young and seemingly healthy people pass away suddenly and without warning. I understand it must’ve been such a shock for you, I’m very sorry for your loss *hugs*

    And that article sounds like rubbish, of course you can be friends with your coworkers! I’m lucky enough to share the office with my best friend, and it makes working so fun and rewarding. It’s never “just a job” when you are surrounded by great people.

  • Tara says:

    Oh, man 🙁 I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend and co-worker. My heart goes out to his family and his two young kids. It’s really sad that they lost their dad so young! T___T

    Death is never easy to accept at times. It can also be surreal in that one day the person you know is alive, and then they’re gone all of the sudden.

  • Kya says:

    🙁 I am so sorry to hear this. When you form close relationships with anyone it can be such a shock and intense loss when you loose them. I hope that you will be okay. At least, you do have other co-workers who understand the dynamics of the relationship and could also see the type of person he was. I don’t know if that makes it any easier at all. Thinking of you. <3

  • Nancy says:

    I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your coworker/friend. I can’t believe how people can just leave so suddenly and especially if it was not expected. It’s always good to know people who only gave you nothing but positive memories.

    I agree with you about how coworkers should be able to be friends with you. If coworkers can’t be friends with each other, the company environment will be pretty unhappy and people will just do the minimum work. But as friends, people can work and enjoy the presence of others.

    I wish for the best for your coworker’s family and hope everyone stays strong!

  • Ongaku says:

    Wow, that is so terribly sad. Deaths are so awful, fast or slow it is just never easy to except. I’m very sorry to hear about this, he sounded like an excellent guy.

  • Joy says:

    I’m so sorry to hear this! I think it’s really sweet that you and your coworkers managed to be great friends and that you’ll always have good memories of the one you lost.

    Thinking of you and his family.

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